I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
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