My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
