drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
