Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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