Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
