the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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