Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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