I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
