4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm jealous of your bromance
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
