Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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