Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
