Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
