my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
