come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
