He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
