she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
