this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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