Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
