I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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