my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
