All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
