I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
