sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
