is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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