I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
even my farts smell like vagina
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
