I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
