He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize