Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Bring me that man meat
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
