Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
