The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
