I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
