You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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