Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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