either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
no, he came in my armpit
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
