I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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