It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize