He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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