I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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