Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
