i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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