seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
