I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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