oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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