I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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