My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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