I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I AM VODKA MAN
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
