How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
