I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
