sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
