My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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