More tranny stories later!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
