Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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