She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
