Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
