It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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