Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
