I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
