i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
