He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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