i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
