haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
