Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
