The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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