i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
