Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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