this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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