I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
