and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
