My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize