My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
