he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
