So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
