I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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