My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize