And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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