Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
