if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I need moral support for this bender
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
