If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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