DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize