i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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