so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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