i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
