i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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