people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
