My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this boner is exhausting
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
