Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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