If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
