so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
