yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
