Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
