i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
